My Butt Hurts - 4th February 2010

As some of you may know, I have joined a gym. On Tuesday I went along to my first class. I was looking forward to it.

There's a saying that you never forget how to ride a bike, which is true I guess. But one thing one always tends to forget is how much it hurts!

The class was a cycle class – aimed at people who like to have fun and work hard – but was actually 40 minutes of torture.

At the 20 minute mark – at about the point when I thought only 10 minutes to go (as I thought it was only a 30 minute class) the gym instructor advised we were half way!! "YAY" she sang "aren't we having fun!" I wanted to shove the microphone headset down her peppy throat.

She did however, advise that newies (that's me) could go at our own pace. I looked around and could not see a couch, nor a bottle of red so instead of going at my own pace I continued to ride a bike way too fast to nowhere.

At about 10 minutes to go, I ran out of water and nearly died. But I survived by keeping myself hydrated by licking the sweat off my face.

I was in agony.. the last time I was in this much pain there were midwives and I had some gas... where was my damn gas?!! ok, it wasn't THAT bad... but close.

At 40 minutes we weren't quite finished (the lying bitch). Because we had to cool down and stretch.

After the cool down I dismounted and was mortified to feel that the bike seat was still clenched in my butt cheeks! But a quick look at the bike assured me the seat was still attached to the bike and not protruding from my rear end. But it sure felt like it!

Then the instructor and the rest of the class started their stretches. They each lifted a leg onto the frame of the bike.... my leg didn't move. I had to pick it up with both hands and place the leg on the bike and then stretch.. which felt pretty good.

I exited the gym as fast as my concrete legs could carry me and across the carpark to my car (I'm pretty sure I parked it closer, that gym bitch must have moved it).

I was pretty scared because I thought that I would probably feel worse in the morning, but surprisingly not.. I felt pretty good.. apart from my butt.

I am pretty sure the human body was not in any way designed for cycling. There is nothing in nature that needs one to straddle an instrument of torture while pedalling. Which is why the muscles in that region are not ever felt until a cycle class.

However, 40 minutes of high intensity cycling is worth 6 points!! so I may do it again... maybe.